Let's say you've stopped the bullying. Your methods actually worked! What now? What great changes do you have to look forward to?
Not the expected changes, like the bullies don't pick on you anymore, or you feel relaxed and happy at work and elsewhere. Those are a given. What about the changes that may surprise you? The ones you can't predict from where you are now?
Or maybe you don't even think about the benefits yet, because you're so buried in bullying. You don't dare dream. This article will help you imagine yourself living these changes. True, the following examples may seem insignificant and superficial, but sometimes the little differences are more real and easier to relate to. They are more believable. Take a break from where you are right now. Read about some perks of standing up for yourself.
So, Thorlos tennis socks what are they? Surprise! Your former bullying coworkers and bosses will imitate you and your work habits. Yes, copy you! And, they will ask for your advice-and then take it. They treat you with respect in all the unpredictable ways it shows up. Amazing. You couldn't have anticipated this.
Why? Because while you were bullied, or if you still are, no one wants to acknowledge you in any way. They don't want to hear your opinion, they deliberately go out of their way to do things differently than you do, and they ignore your requests. All in all, they try to pretend you don't even exist. You're miserable and lonely in your own little world. Respect, for you, is worlds away.
When Gloria wore stylish nursing uniforms, her coworkers made a point to dress in grunge style. Grey hoodies with hospital blue scrub pants. When she put on lipstick during the day, the others only wore gloss. If she wanted to permanently relocate some supplies, the others made sure the supplies magically went back to the place she moved them from. Taken alone, these behaviors meant very little. But when you're bullied, these behaviors all add up. Almost everything others do, is meant to undermine you, or distance you from the group in some way.
Fast forward to a year after she started to politely stand up for herself. What a difference! She almost didn't believe what she started to see. She enjoyed feeling great at work. Peace and goodwill prevailed, at least towards her. The bullies found others to bully, but not her anymore. She noticed her coworkers and bosses copying her. They copied very small things at first.
They started using lipliners, throughout the day to keep their lipstick fresh, like she did. No more sporadic glossing. She saw them in front of the mirror in the nurses' station putting their lipstick carefully on. Sophie wanted to know exactly what she used so she could buy it too. The next week, Sophie showed Gloria her new purchase. Exactly like hers. Gloria just noticed, without saying a word, about the copying.
All the nurses in her area started spending money on uniforms to look stylish. Each day, Gloria saw them wearing more colorful, and matching uniforms. Daily, everyone complimented each other. Rayanne, her former arch enemy, asked Gloria to bring in her catalogues so she could get uniforms from her great source. They had traded in their gray grunge for the way she dressed. And Rayanne had asked if she could copy her uniform source.
You probably question if the changes Gloria saw actually had anything to do with her. That, maybe they would have made these nuance changes anyway. Maybe. She wondered too. But, the change from malicious to friendly behavior had definitely happened. And the timing of it was more evidence. It all started after she spoke up for herself over a year ago, and no one been mean since. Hmmmm.
But she noticed other changes. She had always done things to make her patients at work more comfortable. She went the extra mile, when her coworkers didn't. That was one reason patients always asked for her and brought her very nice gifts. When the bullying was at it worst, her coworkers made little jokes among themselves about it. She was even openly ridiculed for it. And she had withdrawn from the group further.
But, back again to the year later. One day, as Gloria walked down the hall and glanced in the different treatment rooms, she saw those very same ridiculing coworkers using her techniques exactly. Patients started requesting for her coworkers too, and bringing them gifts. Gloria's coworkers began to ask her about her methods, and complemented her on what good ideas she had. As she spoke with them, she thought to herself how radically things had changed.
Gloria noticed that when she made suggestions to make changes or improvements in how the nurses did things, everyone listened. Bosses included. They were on her side. And they knew she was on their side, too. This wasn't always so. They had hated Gloria more, initially, when she had stopped them from bullying back then. And, surprisingly, she felt only gracious and loving towards them as she set some boundaries with them. She only hated them when she took their abuse, without saying anything. Everyone who stands up for themselves reports feeling this way. It isn't unique to Gloria. They started to see her new goodwill towards them, possibly. They also saw her new self respect and came around to seeing her as she saw herself.
You could almost think Gloria would have a big head about all this. Not at all. Now, she didn't base her self esteem on what fair-weather folks thought about her. She felt good enough about herself, that what they thought about her mattered much less. That's the irony of it. When she didn't need it so much, that's when she got it.
Taken alone, the examples above aren't earth shaking. But if you look at the whole picture-friendly smiles, asking about Gloria's life, and wanting to spend time with her, it's undeniable. She had arrived. Her life was sweet now. Not necessarily because of the way they treated her, even though they now treated her well. But because she had found some strength within herself and had asked for more respectful treatment from them.
Stop Workplace Bullying. Discover How to Speak Up to Save Your Job and Your Dignity. Visit http://www.stop-workplace-bullying.com and sign up for a free Stop the Bullies newsletter.
While there, get the ebook everyone's raving about, Bully Blaster: How I Stopped the Bullying, and You Can Too.
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